


Lack Of Grief

by Silvio15



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Grief, Guilt, Langst, Sadness, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 01:02:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20648648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvio15/pseuds/Silvio15
Summary: Lance deals with the death of someone he doesn’t care for anymore. He doesn’t want to feel guilty for feeling something different to everyone else...(A vent fic for something I’ve dealt with recently)





	Lack Of Grief

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this is a vent from some stuff that’s happened both recently and a couple months ago :p

_ “Your father is dead.” _

The news was... not what he expected when his parents sat them in and started talking of death and how it was normal. 

When the news began, his mama gently explained how death was something normal and happened to everyone. And when he heard that, he thought the worst. He knew how his mother was getting operations at times and that she was stressed and such, and dread filled his very soul as he thought she was going to explain that she was dying and didn’t have long left.

But hearing that...

He couldn’t help the pure and utter  _relief_ t hat filled his being. Relief that it was not his mother that was dying, or his sisters or brothers. He just felt relief that someone who left them years ago was gone. That someone who hurt them so much was never coming back. 

But the guilt was quick to follow that relief. Guilt for feeling as he did. Guilt that he felt relieved while his sister started to cry at the news in mourning, and seeing the redness in his mother’s eyes he could tell she had been crying as well. 

He knew, logically, that what he was feeling was okay. Because he had  _reasons_ for feeling how he did. He knew the man that was claimed to now be dead. He knew him in ways his siblings either didn’t know, or didn’t remember. He was there for the monthly, weekly, near  _daily_ c ruelty disposed on him for not doing something to the man’s level of requirement. It took the guy leaving years ago before he understood it wasn’t normal to be hurt like he was, that what he was doing was  _abuse_ . Child abuse, even.

And... and hearing him finally, fully, completely gone... the only possible sadness he had was from the guilt welling inside him, that started with not really reacting as emotionally as his sisters or even his brothers. But grew when one of his little nephews, who wasn’t crying for never having met the guy, turned to him with innocent curiosity and confusion, and said, “I thought you would be more upset Tio Lance.”

It made his heart swell and squeeze with more guilt, unable to find a response and merely just looking away. He knew he should be more upset. His... father, was there for most of his childhood. But he couldn’t... he just couldn’t find it in himself to feel any real grief or sadness for someone gone...

...

When his mother had booked him a session with a local, free physiologist, he didn’t really mind. He wanted to feel... well, be told anyway, that what he was feeling was normal and that he was okay to not feel anything for someone he had been trying to forget and ignore existed since the man left. 

But... but being asked about it, he found himself almost being repetitive with saying how he had long just pushed his dad out of his mind, trying to forget him and just move on with life, because you can’t...  _live_ y our future if you’re stuck in the past. And he ended up saying that a few times in the fifty minute session. “I just kinda, moved on really. This news about him being dead wasn’t really a big deal for me... I just always assumed that anyway? Or I guess pretended like he was dead...”

By the end of it, he didn’t feel worse but... he didn’t feel like these feelings were normal either. This... general... Just feeling such an immense.. 

Lack of grief...

**Author's Note:**

> Did ya’ll enjoy? Leave a comment! (If u want tho lol)


End file.
